My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
