Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
