I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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