Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
