when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
