I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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