woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
