next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
