dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
