She said her name was "party"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
