Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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