I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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