Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
