I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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