When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so let's talk penis.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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