1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
