Texts From Last Night

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

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  (780): i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least. http://tfl.nu/btfu
  Replies (29) Good night (832) Bad night (2420)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way

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  (267): oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way http://tfl.nu/43of
  Replies (16) Good night (4143) Bad night (1124)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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  (630): I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better. http://tfl.nu/ly4a
  Replies (23) Good night (5479) Bad night (645)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Why wouldn't there be.

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  (704): Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower? (954): Why wouldn't there be. http://tfl.nu/wwnv
  Replies (28) Good night (7627) Bad night (789)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive

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  (201): Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive http://tfl.nu/u57a
  Replies (13) Good night (4519) Bad night (1334)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

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  (905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45
  Replies (18) Good night (6721) Bad night (1845)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (6106) Bad night (1030)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (4148) Bad night (1026)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (68) Good night (12977) Bad night (2388)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

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  (207): I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet http://tfl.nu/5wz6
  Replies (12) Good night (9122) Bad night (1168)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"

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  (781): I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions" http://tfl.nu/b7d2
  Replies (7) Good night (2438) Bad night (607)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.

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  (817): Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/91us
  Replies (7) Good night (794) Bad night (1870)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.

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  (540): how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove. http://tfl.nu/z4wf
  Replies (10) Good night (1471) Bad night (537)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.

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  (817): I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information. http://tfl.nu/ct01
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (700)
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  (310): View more from California

  Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.

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  (310): Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch. http://tfl.nu/am85
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (319)

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