I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.