i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.