Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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  (302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny
  Replies (68) Good night (3645) Bad night (844)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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  (215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha
  Replies (23) Good night (1748) Bad night (5140)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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  (605): I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident http://tfl.nu/4t8c
  Replies (28) Good night (686) Bad night (2682)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

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  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (10261) Bad night (1019)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

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  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (8527) Bad night (1255)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.

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  (806): at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap. http://tfl.nu/nba1
  Replies (20) Good night (969) Bad night (7663)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.

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  (206): I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/axt4
  Replies (1) Good night (2169) Bad night (734)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.

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  (850): Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick. http://tfl.nu/uv5q
  Replies (6) Good night (2064) Bad night (648)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis

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  (817): She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis http://tfl.nu/sxjx
  Replies (13) Good night (2579) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

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  (315): I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors http://tfl.nu/1c0w
  Replies (8) Good night (1945) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

  (503): View more from Oregon

  ... That's a shower caddy.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

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  (541): You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever! (503): ... That's a shower caddy. (541): I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation. http://tfl.nu/svbx
  Replies (11) Good night (3282) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me

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  (512): Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me http://tfl.nu/ce08
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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  (623): I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby http://tfl.nu/cxps
  Replies (6) Good night (939) Bad night (381)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.

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  (716): I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications. http://tfl.nu/oxv6
  Replies (3) Good night (289) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.

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  (850): I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/h93q
  Replies (2) Good night (201) Bad night (494)

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