I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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