I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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