I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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