I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
