go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ruined the universe
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
