my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
