If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
