so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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