Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So squirting runs in the family.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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