I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
