she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
