found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
