i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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