Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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