Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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