True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize