she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
