i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
