Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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