Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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