so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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