went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
