me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
