so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
