Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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