it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish life had little blips of pornography
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
