Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
