The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
