Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
