Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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