I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
