Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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