This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
