I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
