Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
