cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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