she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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