I want to have your abortion
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
