Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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