ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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