Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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