So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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