woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
