he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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