The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
