How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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