Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
