planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
