Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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