He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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