Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
