My cat gives me a boner
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
