What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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