There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
